Things I do Not Like.

Chantix.  Don't like it one bit.  My medical provider had great hopes for me using the Chantix, but as it turns out, it was just a new side effect a day drug for me.  I was afraid to see what happened on day 5.  Days 1 and 2, skull splitting headache.  Day 3, felt like puking every 10 minutes.  Day 4, extreme fatigue.  Not, I haven't slept in two days sort of fatigue, but rather, if I was trying to wake up from a coma, what would it feel like sort of fatigue.  Plus wacky, crazy, creepy dreams beginning on day 1.  And if you already know me, and have heard about my "regular" dreams, then you can only imagine.  So, in 4 days I managed to nearly go mad, and was pretty sure I was permanently effed up, but I also managed to go entirely back to my normal smoking habit....because that is what I was supposed to do, per the medical instructions of the stupid, evil Chantix.  Disclaimer....these side effects will not be experienced by all potential users of the drug (just most), and it still comes highly recommended to those who have an incredible insensitivity (INCREDIBLE) to pharmaceuticals, and who would like to quit smoking. 

So now, I am still trying to make sure I am not crazy, or on the verge of going mad, and I'm back to smoking nearly a pack a day.  Are you kidding me??  I thought I was doing, well not great, but making some good damn progress toward being a non-smoker.  It wasn't just around the freaking corner, but on the distant horizon. Now I am back to picking another damn quitting date.  That means I get to start the anxiety, and doubt, and near paralyzing fear all over again.

Perhaps the only way I will ever quit is to find myself in a Robinson Crusoe scenario.  (See the photo on the right.)  The island that Bryan and I visit in Fiji is within sight distance of the island where "Castaway" was filmed and the photo on the right is me standing over the Castaway sign.  Awesome island, but Tom Hanks could have swam to any of 4 other inhabited islands with lots of rum, or he could have stayed on the island and eaten all the goat and fish and fruit he could get his hands on.  In any event, I know I have the willpower in me somewhere, but I just haven't quite found the tap yet.  Sorry I dropped off for a couple of weeks.  I thought I was crazy, and I was pretty tired of hearing myself (and all the other voices) talk. 

Thanks Laura for sending "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking."  I'll get on that one of these days, and maybe that will work before I have to get myself marooned.