Hubris.

Well someone was up on her "I'm a smoker and damn proud of it," high horse last night.  Mea culpa.  I am not excited and proud of being a smoker, or I wouldn't be trying to quit for the 8th or 9th time, I can't remember which.  So, once again, please forgive the extreme outburst of "I think I am fabulous," I unleashed in yesterday's post.

I visited Mr. Boyes, (soon to be a doctor, working on his Ph.D) the hypnotherapist that I spoke of in my blog post yesterday, and it was a very reassuring experience. (Look Ma, no singular itallics!) As I suspect you are too, I am generally fairly oblivious to my subconscious.  If we were all conscious of our subconscious, then it would cease to be sub, would it not?  I digress.  So, we've discussed that in in this attempt to quit smoking I have tried to rely upon my willpower, and patches, and nicorrette gum, and Chantix, and acupuncture to beat this stupid habit.  We've also discussed how, aside from the acupuncture, which does a great deal to assist with my nerves and anxiety, and the Chantix that I hate, I've tried all of these things to help me to quit in the past.  And we all know that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.  Well, I have every hope that hynotherapy will be my new and different thing that works.

Turns out that the subconscious mind is like the framers of the Bill of Rights, it holds certain truths to be self evident.  As opposed to forming an opinion after observing certain extraneous indicators (the conscious mind that relies upon deductive reasoning) the subconscious mind takes in the extraneous indicators that we regularly provide to the brain through repetition/habit, and then extrapolates from there.  My extraneous mind has taken the input I've provided to it and determined that the way I relax, celebrate, deliberate and create is dependent on having a cigarette in my hand.  Funny, because my conscious mind thinks the same and apparently I don't have the good old will power to shake all of that without some assistance.  Luckily, that assistance doesn't come until October 6 based on my calendar and that of Mr. Boyes.  I'm still terrified, but optimistic.