Wolf!

I may be Shelley Effing Davis, but apparently I can't do everything I say I am going to do every time I say I will do it.  You've probably seen the commercial with the man sitting on a pier with a shark attached to his arm who keeps repeating to himself "cigarettes, cigarettes."  Well, that has been pretty much my entire inner dialogue since Sunday.  That man pops a piece of lovely Nicorette (which I am not knocking, it is still good) and then he moves on with his day, and realizes there is a shark attached to his arm.  Well, I had the patch on, ate my citrus, took a walk, went and had some acupuncture, pressed the radish seeds she attached to my ear, chewed the Nicorette, chewed the cinnamon gum, I even ate some delectable M&Ms and still all I could think was cigarettes, cigarettes, so I got some.  Damn it!

Here is another thing about quitting for me.  Whenever I have a bad day, can't concentrate, can't sleep, or am generally out of sorts, when I quit smoking, I blame it entirely on cigarettes.  I realize that is entirely illogical.  During my eighteen years of smoking I had bad days, couldn't concentrate, couldn't sleep, and was sometimes generally out of sorts.  Then I did not blame it on not smoking.  I blamed it on something else.  So folks, I am as disappointed as you. 

At the store when I was purchasing the cigarettes I was carded for the smokes (which is lovely, and maybe another reason I keep buying them).  He apologized and I told him I didn't mind in the least, if he could deter some kid from ever taking up this horrible addiction it is entirely worth it.  Then I told him I was quitting, finished the transaction, saw the puzzled look on the man's face, and took my cigarettes home.  It is so perplexing.

Maybe hypnosis would work.  What do you think?  I was called on-stage at the senior class graduation party to be hypnotized with a bunch of my classmates, and I wouldn't go under.  That fellow told me I was not capable of being hypnotized, but perhaps he was just a hypnosis quack.  Maybe I could be hypnotized, and under hypnosis I'll discover a bunch of glamorous past lives.  If you don't get that reference and you have Netflix on demand, look up "On a Clear Day, You Can See Forever" the movie.  It's a classic.  Also about a gal who undergoes hypnosis to quit smoking.  It's hysterical. It's also a musical and one of my favorite shower songs.

All right, while you are all thinking "sure you are" I'm going to sit here and stew in my failure juices and hope that tomorrow is better.